By Victoria Holmes
There are people who can tell the story of the troubled times in their life with the finesse of a master story teller. They are committed so deeply, that they can fill in all the details with ease and great inflection. For example, they may say, ‘Ten years ago my marriage broke up. My partner lied to me and cheated on me. My children and I were destroyed and our family just exploded in a moment. There was nothing left but pain and betrayal. I am so angry that this happened to me. I raised the children alone and sometimes things were really tough and I had no support. People say I should forgive and move on, but why would I forgive after what happened? Now the best years of my life are over and I am tired. I am going to grow old alone. I guess that is just the way it is going to be in my life.”
The story teller is rewarded by getting to be the victim each time this version of the story is retold. It has become part of the definition of who that person is as a whole. If you continue speaking to them, you will likely find that they have a repertoire of such stories that have become a big part of how they see themselves as separate from other people.
An alternative version to the same story could be; “My marriage broke up for a number of reasons, including betrayal. Clearly, we were not communicating and not on the same page in our sense of love and family. It was very painful at the time. I have been so blessed in many ways because of that marriage ending. My children and I have always been very close, and I was free to move forward and create a better life for us all.”
Compare the energy of each version of the same story. The first one is filled with stress, negativity and victimization. The second tells of a life experience turned into a lesson to grow from. This version is filled with wisdom and hope for the future. It makes you feel lighter reading it and attracts you to the story teller.
Each time you are in a difficult situation, or are recalling an event from your past, you have the choice to alter your perception. You can be a victim of your story, or a student of it. Simply alter your thoughts. This is not always easy to do because your ego wants to get in there and convince you that something has been done ‘to’ you. The ego wants to you to feel separate from your true self and from other people.
Instead, if you default to your higher self and your inner wisdom, you can rise above any life event. The hurt will still sting until you can accept and release the situation. Just keep practicing. Forgiveness, letting go, and acceptance are like muscles that need to be exercised to grow. With practice they become an automatic response rather than a painful inflammation.
Catch yourself when you are getting drawn back into the version in which you are the victim. You are the writer and creator of your life story. There are certain events which you can’t change, but you can always change your perception. When you believe you are someone to whom things keep happening to, you let go of the hand of your higher self which is always guiding you to higher ground. Your lower self, your ego, will always take the lower road of fear, doubt, and separation. That is where the power of the ego lies.
In truth, you are not separate from those around you. We all have the stories that we have mastered. We may not share them with other people, but they play on ‘repeat’ in our conscious and subconscious minds. They sound like this: ‘I don’t measure up to other people, I am not smart enough, thin enough, rich enough, attractive enough’ and so on. We look for answers outside of ourselves and find temporary relief with self-sabotage and obsessive behavior. We prevent other people from recognizing our feelings of inadequacy, by hiding our truths. Imagine a world where everyone could unite, knowing that we are all the same, and that we are safe to be open and authentic in every situation. Sometimes, even when we understand this concept we can fall back into our sabotaging behavior. These patterns reveal themselves as foot prints on the well-travelled road of fear and mediocrity.
On this road we are always wanting. We are waiting on things and experiences that we don’t have. We tell the story of when we will be happy…when we have a new partner…when we lose weight…when we have more money…when we have a child…when we buy a house…when we get a better job. It is endless and so consuming that it causes us to temporarily forget all about the other hand reaching out to us; the hand of our higher self. If we embrace that hand, we will find ourselves travelling to higher ground. As we ascend we will remember that we are here for a purpose. We remember that we are here to not only love ourselves, but everything and everyone around us as well. We remember that it is in giving that we receive. We silence the story of our lower self, our ego, and serve humanity in all that we do. We embrace our magnificence. Take a few minutes to reflect on your story…which hand are you holding?